Pastrami Plate from Chick 'n' Coop, San Francisco

Murch's Manifesto

The pastrami plate contains approximately ten pieces of pastrami, mashed potatoes, gravy, house salad, and bread and butter.

Point/counterpoint

Murch: So, Loquisha, how was your lunch?
Loquisha: Oh, it was $11.49. Hella expensive.
Murch: WHAT? Has the dollar weakened that far? Damn sub-prime crisis.
Loquisha: Yup, but worth it. It's always been that much. You just gotta try it.
Murch: It cannot be that good. In today's age of rising oil prices and bankruptcy, how did you afford an $11.49 lunch on your meager wages, Quish? How are we going to send our kids to college?
Loquisha: Welll, Murch. Today, I felt like mixing it up a bit. Spoil myself. Sooo, Instead of getting my usual regular meat for lunch, I decided to get me some expensive ass meat. So I headed on over to my mo' meat headquarters, Chick 'n' Coop.
Murch: What makes this meat better than your "usual" meat, Loquisha? I'm no chopped liver. Pun intended!
Loquisha: I ordered me that tasty ass pastrami plate. That sumbitch carved up practically the entire pastrami bird for me. Is that what pastrami comes from, Murch?
Murch: Well, Loquisha, I'm not really familiar with your "ethnic" meats. I told you that when I met you. But I believe it's a well seasoned piece of beef. Let me Wikipedia it...
Loquisha: He was slicin, and dicin. Ohhhh Lord, my mouth was watering. Slice afta slice, afta slice. I think he carved up a whole pastrami family for me.
Murch: How many slices of pastrami were there? Surely not enough to justify nearly a dozen dollars!
Loquisha: Then you know me, Murch. I gotsta have me some fixins! So I said, "Listen here, sumbitch. Gimme some of that mashed up potatoes, and some of that gravy sauce. And don't get cheap with me, son. Oh no. Drench those tasty taters with that gravy. Of course, Murch, you know I gotta keep this figure looking all good and sexy, so I ordered some of that house salad, too...with extra dressing, of course."
Murch: Well mission accomplished, Quish. You're as sexy as ever. But that sounds like a lot of food! Enough to feed an impoverished country. Exactly how many slices of "pastrami bird" were there?
Loquisha: There had to be at least ten thick, mouthwatering slices, Murch. All juicy with baby pastrami juice. Taaaaaasty.
Murch:


















Loquisha:


















Now listen, Murch. I like a little fat on my meat, just like I like a little fat on my men.
Murch: /blushing
Loquisha: But when I gotsta be bitin' down on my meat like I'm chewin' on a Michelin tire, we got a problem. Clumpy fat is a no no in my book, Murch.
Murch: That's ironic, because are you aware that the Michelin company is the highest esteemed restaurant review firm in the world? Restaurants are honored to receive even one Michelin star.
Loquisha: Murch, don't get all smart on me, boy. The only thing that's ironic is the fact that I married your faggoty ass.
Murch: Well, Quish, was it worth the $11.49, fat clumps and all?
Loquisha: Well, let me say this, Murch. When I usually go there, I ask for the lean meat. This time I was in a rush cuz I had to go get my hair did, so I forgot. So I can't complain too much bout my clumpy pastrami bird slices.
Murch: And Quish, am I worth it? Fat clumps and all?
Loquisha: Are YOU worth it? Murch, I would trade you in for a sack of balls and Spam sandwich if there were any takers.
Murch: Um...oh geez...oh! Loquisha, this will make you happy. I did some more research, and you're right, like always. Pastrami is a bird! I found a diagram. You're so smart.

Mish-Mash Soup from The Bagel, Chicago, IL

Murch's manifesto

A half gallon of chicken broth with "the works." Matzo ball, kreplach, noodles, rice, and kasha. Served in a giant glass bowl.

Point/counterpoint
Loquisha: Murch, I heard you went to Chi-Town and got some crazy soup? What's wrong with you?
Murch: Well, Loquisha, I had a bit of a late night, so the next morning I decided I wanted some real Jewish comfort food.
Loquisha: Jewish? They got their own food? What kind of shit is that?
Murch: I got the Mish-Mash soup, which had matzo, noodles, rice, and kasha.

Loquisha: Who? What? Where? What the hell is a matzo ball? Good lordy, Murch, you must went off the deep end, eating some crazy huge Jewish balls.
Murch: It was delicious. The matzo ball was as large as the Queen's ego! Here is a diagram for you, Quish.

Loquisha: My oh my, Murch. What's inside this ball? It's stuffed with meat or some crazy Jewish filling?
Murch: No, the matzo ball is made with matzo, as the name suggests. But the kreplach was a delightful dumpling filled with ground beef...and what do you mean by "some crazy Jewish filling," Loquisha?
Loquisha: Don't even go there with me, Murch. I don't even want to know what balls, and dumplings filled with meat you been eatin. I'm scared to ask what kind of "broth" you got your balls floatin in.
Murch: It's just chicken, Loquisha.
Loquisha: Now Murch, were you able to eat that juicy lookin Jew ball in one bite? Or did you break it down into mini Jew balls?

Murch: I shaved pieces off with a soup spoon. The starchy tumor-like mass was so gargantuan that I actually couldn't devour more than 3/4 of it.
Loquisha: You pussy! I would have sucked down that bad boy in one bite! It's startin to look all good and tasty all of a sudden. Murch, where can I find me some tasty Jew balls here in the city?
Murch: Right here, Loquisha.
Loquisha: Ohhhhhh Murch, stop it. You're making me blush.

The Famous Lucca Dog from Little Lucca's, South San Francisco

Murch's manifesto
A new addition to the menu at Little Lucca's. Pastrami, swiss, bacon, seven inch hot dog, lettuce, tomato, onion, garlic sauce, pepper sauce, mustard, on sourdough.

Point/counterpoint
Murch: Hey buddy.
Loquisha: Yo, what's crackalackin.
Murch: So how was the dog?
Loquisha: It was weird. Shit, if I wanted a hot dog, I would have gone to Hot Dog on a Stick and gotten a cherry lemonade with my meal.
Murch: That's slightly disappointing. I thought it would be a culinary masterpiece. A collision of flavors. A sandwich supernova, if you will.
Loquisha: When I seen dis shit on da menu, I said, god damn, this shit might be tasty. Meat, mo meat, some fixins. But then I took a bite of this behemoth, and I almost got me some lockjaw. The dawg kept on slidin out the side. Only thing this Lucca shit was good for was fillin me up for supper. I spent $7.52 for lunch AND dinner. Can't beat that. Oh no. Can't beat that.
Murch: How did you reheat it for your evening meal?
Loquisha: I didn't. After lunch, I threw the 1/3 left of this into the fridge. At night, I figured, what's the point of microwaving this shit, when I only got about four supersized Loquisha bites to go. So grabbed me a grape soda, and finished the rest of this bad boy.
Murch: Was it better or worse than when it was fresh and hot?
Loquisha: Pleez! You spect me to remember how that shit tasted for supper compared to lunch? Shit, I can barely remember what I ate for lunch 20 minutes ago. Collard greens? No wait, mashed potatoes and gravy? Shit, I don't even know. SO HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER! Let me just say that it's some bullshit, that they microwave the cheese onto the meat. They need to invest in a mini oven, or some shit like that. Everybody know that hot dog gets all rubbery when you throw it in the micro.
Murch: Logical conclusion, but one I could have made myself without having personal experience.
Loquisha: Oh yeah, I took a pic. When I upload it, I will send it.
Loquisha: /sending


















Murch: Oh wow. I just gasped audibly.
Loquisha: You know what, Murch? I ain't gonna be lookin at my meals before I eat them anymo. Look at this picture. I think my "sandwich artist" busted a load all over the left side. Shit, I don't even know what that is! Mayo? Betta not be. I told that mofo to hold the fuckin mayo! Is it melted cheese clumps? Fuck if I know. The real question is did this ungodly sight stop me from eating my Lucca Dog? Oh hellll no, girlfriend.
Murch: I'm not sure what "busted a load" means, nor am I sure what you're referring to.
Loquisha:


















Murch: Sweet sassy molassey, how many hot dogs are in there?


















Loquisha: I'm tryin to watch my figure, that's why I ordered NO MAYO with my bacon, and swiss, and hot dog, and pastrami sandwich, so I'm telling you, that sumbitch better have only put in one big ass wiener in my roll.
Murch: There are one and a half wieners on this sandwich. I swear on the holy book.
Loquisha: Murch you must be out yo mind. That's just the bigger half of the wiener that's been cut in half, and then the sumbitch flattened it out when spreadin on the fixins and the bread.
Murch: No, Loquisha dear, there are clearly three halves of wiener on each half of sandwich.
Loquisha: Murch! What did five fingers say to yo sorry ass face? It's one of those jumbo hot dogs you can get from Costco. What three halves you talkin about Murch? You goin blind? Gotta get thicker glasses? Show me on that Photoshop, foo!
Murch:


















Loquisha: Good lordy, Murch! Is they tryin to kill me?! They put TWO hot dogs on my low fat mayo-free sandwich? Oh lord, I can feel my arteries cloggin up as we speak. Them sumbitches.
Murch: This is like the Zapruder film.
Loquisha: I have no idea what that is.